In the hospital they were like “ooh complex case we can’t tell if your manic or freaking out because you have obvious reasons for both your BPD and PTSD to be triggered, and with ADHD-C you’re probably normally look hyper and energetic, right?” (Yeah).

I think it’s safe to say there is some bipolar action though at this point. I had two all nighters this week, the five hours I got last night felt like A LOT! And I walked 7 miles to someone I know well, they weren’t home, but I came in and shaved my head with their dog clippers (they won’t get angry about me “breaking in,” they actually gave me a spare key a while ago when I was homeless and anemic and constantly looking for somewhere to nap).

I really hope he can give me a ride back haha. It’s a long hilly walk.

My doc may have fked me over yesterday too. I do some throughout the day mood charting and journaling and told her it seems like around 3, 4pm latest I tend to really unravel at that point, get crazy emotional, distractible, impatient, impulsive, and just a plain ole shytshow from that point on, she decided that’s when my adderall wears off and told me to take another dose at 3pm (which I haven’t done yet. I didn’t realize it was this late and I don’t even know if I want to). She also told me to take the valium 2x a day scheduled until I “get on a working mood stabilizer,” but she’s giving me 3x10mg in case I “need” 20mg for one dose (was discharged with 4x10mg to take 1-2 as needed).

I have to leave this guy some money too because I printed off like 30 DBT worksheets. I hope he gets back soon. I told him I’m here and he’s fine with it.