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Originally Posted by LadyShadow
Things are kind of good today. There was a party after Mass for one of our priests, he turned 97! Our Legion presented him with a plaque and a letter from our Bishop in Raleigh. Everyone was really nice, but I was kinda sad because I felt a little out of place. Usually I don't, but I felt off for some reason. I even wore a really pretty dress.
I don't know what it is, but my mood is sinking. I am thinking it's not even my guy anymore, there is something just wrong with ME. Maybe the fact that the lady from Tarboro who had the possible job for me didn't show up and I was really hoping for that. This job thing is causing me such distress. I know if I budget better, I will be able to survive on just my disability, but my rent just went up, NYS Unemployment wants their money, and I feel like I can't breathe. I don't want to struggle, but this is causing me so much stress. Also, losing that $100 the other day really hurt a lot. I wish I knew what to do. Worst of all, I can't tell my parents, I just can't.
The self-loathing is hitting me hard too. I know the reason I felt out of place at the church party this morning is because of how ugly I feel. I hate myself so much. Why can't I just be grateful for what I have? Why is this so hard?
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There is no end to the stress money woes can put on a person. I don't know are you able to ask your parents for a loan in the meantime so you can at least see your T twice a month maybe? Explain to them the job stress is getting to AND that you still have not recovered fully from that horrific manic episode you had. Would they be in a place to lend you money for 1 extra session a month to talk to a T about this and everything esle (all the depression, no need to go into the depression with them, keep it at job stress and the destructive manic episode)? Or would your ex, I mean, if you're talking that much on the phone, or you wouldn't want the obligation that way?
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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