I feel like I spent a lot more this month than I did last month, and last month I thought I was loose with my money by buying some stuff for my violin.

This is like two days in a row I've gone shopping now. Yesterday I spent $31 and change on stuff like to put on the wall and hang my coat, soap (which isn't an IMMEDIATE need I have like 1/4th of a bottle of body wash they gave me left), chickpeas and spices, a blanket that's not going to be too hot (my current one will be) when it starts warming it (it's on and off too hot/cold and rainy right now), and a chair cushion (right now all I have is a metal folding chair to sit on). Then this morning I found a decent deal for a desk and chair combo and got that for $120, and then went out and bought $41 of clothes that actually fit (a bra--I already have three that fit decent enough and only one gets annoying by the afternoon, a light-weight hoodie and lightweight long sleeve for hiding arms for summer (already have two pairs of long sleeves that aren't going to have me dying of heat and one hoodie that's light enough to wear for short periods of time), and shorts that don't fall off(didn't have a pair of those before today though)). Also right before and after the hospital (between the 1st and 22nd) I bought $160 between food, feminine hygiene shyt, cleaning supplies/bed bug shyt, arts & craft stuff, a vacuum, a DBT workbook, and a storage bin.


Just feels like a lot of money when I was in a hospital for two weeks of the month.

But I guess as justification in April I just straight up didn't buy any food on my own dollar (I went the whole month off a $40 gift card I won and some stuff my neighbor gave me). I did kinda need the cleaning supplies/vacuum/bed bug stuff (that I probably didn't need but it has helped keep my sanity in check a bit). I'm getting use out of the DBT thing too.

My question is, what's the difference between "more than normal spending" because you're settling into a new apartment, have gone down 5 pants sizes in two months, and are recovering from throwing half of your stuff out for exterminators to treat your studio and "more than normal spending" because you're being impulsive and it's coming out of your bank account?

I usually haven't been a spender even in (hypo)mania (when I do it's more on activities like concerts and gas for random hiking trips a hundred miles away), and I was referred to a trauma center that doesn't take insurance but with the sliding fee Zoom therapy will be $25 (if I even get to do that, doubt I will because it's been a full business week since my discharge and haven't heard back from the social worker who will "call [me] sometime within the next couple days about it") and I assume that's weekly, so I want to make sure this isn't a "new norm."

I still have stuff on my shopping list too though. I have a pitcher filter that the filter needs replacing so should get that soon (which I have a coupon for! just have to find somewhere that has it), some new period underwear (have some old pairs I tried using for a lighter day so I wouldn't feel like I was wasting a full pad, but they're huge on me now), and I still want to get blackout curtains (and a rod for the curtains) so I don't have to be in the blinding light with a migraine (I have horizontal blinds, but they're more for privacy and don't block out light for beans).

I know it's nothing ridiculous like the time my dad bought 3 generators and $800 in slot car racing stuff in a month and I'm sure a lot of stories you guys have, but I grew up being told I'd be the reason the whole family is homeless if I wanted a certain snack or a toy or to go out and do something fun that cost money, and again, overspending was never one of my problems (unless you counted alcohol/drugs, but I feel like that's a different addiction and a lot of times I would do favors so I wouldn't have to buy it anyway), so spending over $350 in a month (not even counting the monthly stuff like that that's steady like rent, internet, healthcare/meds, etc.) when I wasn't even in the community half of it feels abnormal to me. But again, I'm still trying to make my apartment feel like a place I belong and like being in, so I guess it's okay?


I don't know. What do you think?