Well.

Lunchtime came.

Stared at it.

And then, ALL of it, even the two " safe foods" were forbidden.

Sick and twisted.

Wanted to cry looking at what I am supposed to consume.

Numbed out though.

But for feeling in control, having autonomy, feeling that sick familiar sense of being strong, powerful, and...( this so evil of me)...superior to all those eating their lunches and snacks, while I simply refuse.

At the same time envy them...they eat as though it is the most natural thing in the world.
And of course logically I know that it is...and yet this illness of mine tells me it is wrong, and I am falling into the head space where I feel " purified" when I do not eat ...

Alright sorry to go on and on ..

Thank you for reading if you have. ..