Hi there everyone!

So I decided to share with you all what's been happening with me lately, in the hope that some of you will have words of wisdom or advice, as doing it alone hasn't been proving very successful and when around friends they have found me difficult to deal with/support.

I have been experiencing a range of symptoms that have been quite severe at times. I struggle to put a name to them, anxiety or dysregulation, or something else.

I wake up nearly every morning with a heavy and tight chest, a shortness of breath, an uneasiness - anxiety perhaps. Sometimes I can say it is attached to a bad dream, other times not. I take anti- anxiety supplements, occasionally I take beta blockers/as and when anxiety pills, but nothing really helps. I try to do tasks and find I struggle to engage with them. I find things overwhelming, music, certain noises and smells. If I am with friends then it can be difficult to not become irritable or to shut down entirely. I will get upset sometimes or find I can't speak. I find it difficult to do daily tasks. I'll find days when just getting out of bed and dressing, showering and eating takes all my energy for the day and I'll get anxious about basic stuff.

I've lived quite an isolated life and usually find being around people for a day depletes me, but I went away for the weekend recently with my friends. While I was there they remarked that I do odd things, humming, clicking my tongue, hand movements - stuff I wasn't really aware that I did. I was able to stop it but it was hard. However, there was an episode where I couldn't stop doing odd stuff with my body and I was getting like electric shock sensations. I couldn't stop my body from moving, my hands from clenching and unclenching, banging my head at one point and my face twitching. I couldn't stop and I was apologizing but I couldn't stop. I bit my wrists out of frustration. It took a roughly an hour to stop. Anyway, it freaked out my friends.

Now, I don't know fully what it all means, I've come up with a few theories - anxiety ticks, stims, tick disorder, autism, hypersensitivity, unprocessed trauma....

I say unprocessed trauma because I do have nightmares about a time I was assaulted.

Now, I don't often have those episodes of full meltdown, but I have been noticing that even in private I do what I think may be stims. But the long and the short of it is that life is really difficult at the moment. I believe I am trying doing the regular stuff which is meant to make a difference - activities, exercise, sleep, eating healthy, meeting with friends etc. - but it doesn't seem to be helping and I am at a bit of a loss.