Hello, sorry for the alarming title but i feel like it will catch eyes. To put it simply, when i was maybe 14-16 i had a girlfriend that really wanted me to do BDSM on her. She told me what she wanted, I did it not because I was comfortable, but because it made her happy. Im not even into that at the extent she wanted me to go to. I understand that the things i did she explicitly asked me to do, and she was happy with it. I am still very upset about some of the things she wanted me to do, and that i did. Im sure nobody here can tell me “you deserve everything that happens to you”, but thats what i believe. Im about to turn 24, im not afraid of her finding this, or “exposing” a lame nobody. I want to know how to like myself after that. Theres no point in apologizing, she asked me to do it; and even if i wanted to apologize to her that would mean contacting her, which would create a whole new set of problems. I just hope somebody understands this and i dont have to wait until i have the funds to buy a therapist. I dont know how much longer i can torture myself