I used to come here a lot several years ago. I was going through a lot of psychological abuse coupled with my own psychological problems already present - major depression, suicidal attempts, general anxiety disorder, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. On top of that, I also had (and still have) physical issues, like seizures.

I learned that nobody - not my family or friends (here or offline), my psychiatrist, my psychologist, etc - were going to help me. Sure, some of them wanted to, but I was the one that had to do the fixing, they couldn't. So, eventually, I took control of my own life.

Doing that was very hard .. but I opted for natural, rather than pharmaceutical remedies. That worked - until I became diagnosed with diabetes. Then, my body chemistry changed, making my seizures more prevalent.

I have even gone back to work .. and my husband, though he's had an uphill battle of his own with his physical and psychological health, had stopped abusing me .. .

During that, I also physically defended myself .. and because I defended myself but chose not to leave him, I am wondering if I am a "bad" person and having issues with some of my psychological issues trying to return. I have also been very angry since the incident.

I have become something similar to his caretaker, not just his wife because three years ago, he had two strokes and a heart attack. If I leave him he has nobody to help him. I think perhaps it is a mix of tbi from the strokes and effects of ill managed diabetes causing these behaviors in him, but I also have had injuries in the past year due to my seizures, so I cannot simply "not defend" myself when he becomes aggressive and/or abusive.

Not sure what to do here .. or to think.