Hello, @MuddyBoots.

GAH!
Just wrote a reply and lost it.
Sorry, still trying g to get used to the forum.

Anyway, also sorry for another delay in replying, been a terrible couple days.

Am" home"( can't call it a real HOME since it a dangerous dump, but that is another story.)
from hospital having thought about ECT during a completely sleepless night, and told the nurses I revoked my consent to ECT.

My mini skirted, spike heeled young pyschiatrist
was livid.

But I have my reasons, and I was voluntary.
Discharged of course and glad of it.

Long story, sorry for rambling on on the ED board about it, but I will also add that this doctor, who said " Your primary issue is your eating disorder That's where the shame comes from."
(Um...yet ANOTHER young doctor who dismisses all my trauma as where my shame truly comes from. Although I realize how much shame ED behaviours can trigger in a sufferer)

She lied.

Never referred me for treatment.
My " discharge summary" was just a bunch of crisis lines to call which I crumpled up-well aware of those numbers by now.

Anyway, sorry...back to YOU!

I am.sorry you too experience OCD symptoms latching on to your ED gleefully...

Interesting about PANDAS...I too had strep many times as a kid as did my older brother whose OCD is far worse than mine, or perhaps manifests a little differently.

As for BPD, I am so blessed to have such a patient and devoted pyschiatrist whom I think I mentioned ( sorry long term benzodiazipines have destroyed my memory) has never treated me like simply a label...yes have put him through a lot-was very angry during the worst of my ED , and he admitted he was frustrated. But not with ME,but my SUFFERING.

And now, where I am at with my ED clinging to me, so so loud, demanding, demeaning, controlling next session will be spent processing things that led up to what I cant even call a " relapse", as even though I gained the weight- the mental.stuff is all still there, always will be I imagine...please again, me ever the hypocrite that I am, yet telling you with all sincerity, you CAN be free of this horrible ( and d**dly ) disease.

Sorry to ramble on and on, especially about myself, and we just met here.

Hope not overwhelming you or triggering you.

Hope you're alright out there.
Do something nice for yourself today.
You deserve it.