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Originally Posted by Blueberrybook
muddy, you need to be careful especially what with walking & in the heat (burns even more cal). You have got to start working towards small, do-able recovery goals. Maybe you can't stick to a meal plan 100% but maybe you do 50% one week, 75% the next and progress from there. When you CAN decrease the exercise, you really NEED to do it. Because you are getting yourself dug in even deeper. Do you want to still be living with this ED when you're 40, 50, 60+ years old (if you don't die from esphogeal, stomach cancer, ulcer perforations first). You still have time to turn things around and you know what you need to do. You just have to take it step by step. The hardest I found was the first month or two, things got better from there recovery wise. I am absolutely amazed at the rate you are going you have not suffered a heart attack and that no one sees fit to fast track you into ED treatment. If they won't treat you, then I KNOW you have the grit and determination to recover on your own or at least start towards it. I know because I did it at a very low weight, minimal psychiatric support (meds, some halfhearted counselling that did squat). But grit and determination goes a LONG LONG way. I am still amazed I managed a recovery from where I did without specialized ED treatment or a hospitalization for the ED (though maybe why I still deal with the thoughts). I'd urge you to LISTEN to your body, don't purge, fight that with all you've got. There is a good, productive life out there for you, maybe actually recovering enough to find a guy to date who's good for you, going back to school, but IT IS NOT easy. If it were, anorexia wouldn't have the highest mortality rate of all the mental illnesses out there.
And sometimes I do but wonder if the many overlapping mental disorders you are diagnosed with may in part be a case of overdiagnosis, muddying up your treatment. The ED is definitely one but the others; I have noticed SO many mental illnesses are on a bit of a continuum. It's like what came first the chicken or the egg? Could be some of the issues you have going on. Maybe not, but maybe so. If you're manic and not on a bipolar med, well, that can look like ADHD no? And sometimes responses to meds CAN be psychosomatic: meaning, you're convinced Adderall helps you sleep, you've been up over 24, 48 hr, you take Adderall, by then you're exhausted, you sleep. Whereas you figure, oh valium won't tire me out, you just stay awake during it (and tolerances build anyway whereby you're not sleepy on even higher doses). Benzos never made me sleepy anyway. I could be completely wrong, just food for thought.
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I've been told if DTD and CPTSD were actually used as diagnoses, I'd lose most of my dx's. From
The Complex Trauma Treatment Center I was referred to and will probably never hear about again:
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Our clients have been assigned numerous diagnoses in their lifetimes. Not uncommonly, they have been labeled with, and defined by, five or more psychiatric diagnoses at the same time. Sometimes, these diagnoses have been useful in promoting self-understanding and guiding effective treatment. More than occasionally, however, some of the diagnoses our clients have been assigned have been inaccurate, unhelpful or stigmatizing.
Here are some of the most common diagnoses assigned to individuals with histories of complex trauma exposure and adaptation:
- Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
- Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD)
- Bipolar Disorder (BP)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- Conduct Disorder (CD)
- Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
- Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)
- Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)
- Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
- Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
- Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD)
Here are two emerging diagnoses that we find useful in capturing many of the symptoms of complex trauma adaptation, but that remain inconsistently recognized and accepted by academic psychiatry in the United States:- Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)
- Development Trauma Disorder (DTD)
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ADHD, BP, BPD, and PTSD on my sheet! (Also was once tried to get labeled with DID, and was told I have DPD traits recently). (Can't forget Nammu telling me to look up Oppositional defiance disorder in adults the other day either).
Probably would've never had mania or psychosis if I didn't use any substances, and probably wouldn't have used substances if I was literally lectured on how helpful they are to cope with a life that sucks by the dude that didn't know how to put on a condom and was a good portion of the reason life sucked.
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Honestly pretty sure I AM immortal at this point though. I really fking hope not and that I do die of a heart attack or perforated ulcer or whatever before I'm 40, but I have demon's blood in me (pretty sure) and that's going to make sure I'm around after the earth itself isn't.
I don't want to date any guy "that's good for me" because unless I undo a lifetime of "people=shyt" I'm never going to believe someone's "good" unless there's thrill and usually if there's thrill that means it's actually a bad relationship. I don't want to waste time and money in school either only to be told my associate's or even bachelor's if I make it that far is fking worthless (actually a negative amount of worth) because there are a million people with a better major or a higher degree.