19 days left. And I’m nervous and scared. This leave has been partially nice with barely any drama between L and I. Almost no triggers. I’m not constantly reacting to her life. It also feels nice knowing that I did a lot of it on my own. I’m scared to jump back in. I know it will actually be gradual as she transitions back into work. But after 6 years with her, I know my tendency is to get very attached.

I’ve also been struggling with my depression and SI for two weeks now even though last week was a great week. There are so many things that could be contributing to it.

And according to the treatment nurse, I should be noticing a difference by now. I’ll talk to their pdoc on Monday. It’s not like they can increase the dose or frequency. They have protocols. I don’t know what they’re going to do.