3:53 AM

Have been awake for almost 4 hours, having been so deeply depressed took my night meds early, so of course, I woke up with a start at close to midnight here...

Anyway.
Early start to already a bad day, acting on behaviours, and feeling guilty about it. The ED is already tricking me, my " healthy side", I am admittedly not paying any attention to.

My pyschiatrist/therapist had only like 5 minutes for me between patients to " check in for an update"...will call me next Wednesday but dunno how much time he will have, so have to quickly squeeze in my limited time to talk to him to tell him I am struggling, that my eating disorder, as he always says, " is active right how"...

I need to be honest.

But dunno if I can listen to him tell me what I already know...but the ED has appeared to have me still in sort of...detached daze. Yet fiercely so sickly determined.
Again.

Do not recommend this " life" to any of you.

The ED, I again,is, LOGICALLY KNOW(!!!) a liar...

I am FEELING like I am coping ..but, rather, faltering again, just started this up a few days ago, feels like a lifetime already...

But....of course it has already BEEN a lifetime of this horrible illness...

Enough middle of the night rambling on again, sorry.

Thank you for reading if you have, and take good care of yourselves, please.