Today I tried getting a secured credit card to build credit so I can get a car and maybe even move somewhere else some day without being ripped off and be risking credit fraud vs bank account fraud, but apparently they don't allow people in supportive or transitional (or whatever this place counts as) to have credit cards despite having an address they pay monthly rent for.
Today was going to be a rest day, but between going to therapy, picking some stuff at the groceries, and going to the bank I already got over 10,000 steps in and I am PISSED and ENERGIZED so I'm going to listen to early Linkin Park while doing bodyweight exercises until I hurt, then I'm going to take another shower with a cold rinse, then go read in the community room.
Possible trigger: talking w/t and to my PCPs nurse/food stuff
So told my T I was struggling with eating, but the food obsession is helping me not self-harm (via stuff like cutting/burning/etc.), drink, get high, and numbs out any ability to think about the real pain, but she said I looked good/better than before I had my IEA (had 20mg of diazepam before going btw, and told her that)(I didn't tell her this but I didn't have breakfast beyond putting a little bit of almond milk in some tea and am planning on only having liquids today so I wasn't having post-meal/pre-meal anxiety either), so that wasn't really talked more about. I have this thing now where the nurse calls once a month for a check-in which I guess was today and she asked about my diet and I said I was struggling to eat, she said "on your last PCP visit mid-April your weight was [x] so I guess you don't really even need to lose more" and I didn't tell her I lost over 15lbs since then. She's going to check and see why the GI referral is taking forever, but when they call to ask for an appointment just going to say "not interested anymore, everyone's telling me the pain is just a manifestation of anxiety and my abdominal CT scan said everything's good, so I'm sure I'm fine."
So, yeah, going to go take my anger out in the healthiest way I know how (which I guess is unhealthy right now, but whatever, I could choose some WAYYY WORSE things I want to do right now, so I'm at least considering it harm reduction)