Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueberrybook
I don't know about you but in the worst of my ED all I could think about was food, calories, burning calories, my awful "heavy" weight, watching the food network a ton, exercise, God it was awful. Pretty much constantly on my mind.
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I know that part was to autumn, but that's kind of the best part of my ED. I don't watch TV or any food stuff online, but I am always thinking about food, weight, calories, etc. and honestly that's better than a lot of the stuff I thought about in the past. I'd rather have personally unhealthy food/body obsessions than HI or direct that loathing, hatred, and violence towards others in other ways. I know I hurt people "who care" (and don't show it or show it in fked up ways) by "hurting" myself this way, but I'd rather do that than hurt them directly and get in more legal trouble instead of getting sick.
I don't think I really know what love or compassion towards people is/can be. Yeah, I can "fall in love" but that's more "hey, I saw you for 5 seconds, you asked me to sign a petition outside the grocery store and complemented my shirt and asked for my number but when I didn't get a call back I just hated myself more because I thought I was worthy but I'm not" or