muddy, constant ED thoughts/actions like you said do hurt someone...it hurts YOU. I have to give you, yes, it's worse to have constant suicidal ideations/thoughts than ED thoughts or thoughts of harming other people, but you have to admit none of having an ED and ED thinking is "fun" or exactly good for you. I mean, it never was for me at least. Better to be lost in books, embracing hobbies, volunteering getting your mind OFF the d*mn ED and onto something productive (your math, for instance?). But it's hard to do things like concentrate & sleep when you don't take in adequate calories. Most of my day I'm relatively free of ED thinking other than the exercise in the morning and the scale but I eat quite a lot due to the exercise and don't feel badly about it (once I learned how to use the ignore feature on this forum, but you know what I mean and maybe you need too as well...?) I don't even have "good" and "bad" foods or "safe" foods any more. It is so freeing to be able to go about my day not obsessing about ED thoughts constantly.