Thank you for caring, @Blueberrybook, and for sharing very tangible strategies which have helped you reach a place of real recovery.

I will be half a century old this July.

All I have ever known is my ED which began in professional ballet school at age 11, but really if you were to ask my mum before she was Tragically stricken with dementia, she would say since I was 18 months old, when she woukd sit me on the counter offering me all kinds of foods, desperately trying to get me to eat, and I would clamp my mouth shut, and say "No!"....

Anyway, my entire life has been about " living" with an eating disorder.

I am/ was a writer, a dancers and actress.

I am dreadful. at visual.art which is why every time I am in hospital I hate art therapy, unless they are kind enough to just let me sit and write poetry...

I admire you possess artistic gifts m, and so uncanny you have suggested watercolours, as very recently bought a box and watercolour paper...

Without any painting or drawing taken all I have done so far is, as you sayd, pai t my emotions abstractly...

I have only admittedly sat down to try a couple times, and it would be a mindful, relaxing distraction for awhile indeed...

I am glad you have a supportive husband and that you're setting a positive example fie your daughter.

I never married, never had children.

I have only one friend I my city.

An ex with whom I am now just very close friends with.

I have put him through he'll with my ED over the past decade I have known him.

He is less worried about me now that, as he always says," you got your weight back", but still worries about me, asks," What did you eat today," And he's always making new food...when I am a little more well, I appreciate it
I never throw out his good food he took tome to make me and bring me out of love..

However, I have tried to persuade him to educate himself on EDs, but he never has, as far as I know...yet he obsessively researches all other manner of ( physical) illnesses...

As well, all the time, I have to re state my boundary that he not make commens about my body.
(Never critical, but things I find disgusting.)
He always days," I am just trying to give you confidence."

But no, personally those comments mane me feel nothing but a profound hatred of my body.

Other than my pyschiatrist/therapist I have zero support.

I am estranged from my " family".

No longer do I have at least ine female friend to you fir coffee with...( or Sunday BRUNCH!!!) as I dud when I was younger...

Tough to make new friends at my age

I ha ve terrible social anxiety and can't imagine seeking out some meet up group.

Need to search again fir am in petsoon ACOA group.

Think that would be goimid in a thousand kinds of ways.

I appreciate your encouragement, but...I don't think I have much to look forward to.
I have been unstable for a year now wirh all my dxs...I have a lot of stress and CPSD really, living in a horrible building that is unsafe.

So...not really motivated to go.gu g ho recovery just fir NE ( as I should ai know, but my head says," For what??)

If I too had a family and had the inspiration a d drive to write a d especially act again...but...depression a d anxiety etc...the eating disorder, etc etc...all rhse barriers.

I am sorry to.be so negative!

I sincerely thank you for trying so hard to help me, a nd know that I find you quire an inspiration!.

Again...forgive terrible typos.
Not intoxicated just lousy at typing a d too tired to go back and correct them all...