Hi. I'm having the worst burnout of my life right now. I'm close to relapse to drug addiction.
After years of sobriety, and learning I was autistic, and managing to be kind of happy with my life, one night a disturbing thought emerged: everyone else is building their own life with their interests and hobbies, getting engaged, etc, and this will move everyone away from you. This coincided also with an autistic friend starting to hang out less frequently than before.

From that night I spiraled down. I am going through the same depression and alienation I went through as a child. It is mentally and physically unbearable. And nothing I do during the day seems to be able to help me. It's like the feeling of emptiness people with BPD describe. I quote: "Like there was never anything and never will be anything and that nothingness is vast and eternal and you are alone."

When my therapist's advice is basically: "You think too much. You should make new friends.", and my friends all seem so distant. It's like I'm burning alive and I would just like to die but I don't want to make my parents suffer. I see drugs as the only solution now. Please help me.

I wrote on another forum, maybe you're also there. I'm not trolling or disregarding people's replies. I'm just hopeless and it's getting worse and I'm looking for concrete help. Thank you