The girl I had a date with recently? I only talked to her via the app's chat. I wouldn't have wanted to ask for her number without meeting her, as I feel that would be too pointed. I recently chatted with a woman who seemed nice and had her location listed as 'Vancouver,' but who told me she actually lived in the Philippines. I unmatched quickly, as I'm not interested in an immigration cheat. I don't have much enthusiasm for this route, but at this stage in my life I've got nothing else.

This weekend I resolved to do housework, but it's been Friday already and I've done none. I even forgot to buy new garbage bags today, so I had to just keep piling it high until tomorrow. I got a very small amount of writing done. I've played games and watched youtube videos. My life is still a pointless waste of time and I feel so lonely.

The days and the weeks seem to just slur into each other, the only constant being the increasingly fast speed they pass at as I get older. My life is headed nowhere, and I've got nothing. There are no moments of happiness to sustain the unending hopelessness. All the psychiatric help I've gotten over the past 15 years is to make it possible to get through most days. Medication simply relieves a few of the absolute worst positive symptoms, but does nothing to help with the negative symptoms.