i am a little afraid right now because after years of T i finally uncovered myself and described all my separate parts to my T -
i am nervous and scared how T will react - i wanted T to know who was who and that i hid from T all this time because of all the fear inside of any part being hurt. i dont know all my parts but i know of them and i can hear them at times.. i want to hide .. i dont know if i really want to know her reaction. .feel cringy. .embarrased etc.
i was triggered heavily just before i did this by other things going on around me and i had to tell her. .it just came out ..in a short letter not to much detail with each part. i want to know if she is aware of these parts and has she seen them? i have to know. . often i dissociate and have no idea who is out and i loose time and memory when it happens.. it has ben hard to hold this secret (so to speak) but as hard as a secret is to hold is as hard as it is to break .. i am just scared right now .. that she wont believe us. doesnt really matter because i will be changing to another T soon anyway. it was hard to do this but for years we talked about all the enviromental surface stuff and always got in the way of the real deep issues .. trying for years not to get close to her.. i had a bad experience in the past where i trusted a T and hid nothing then one day she was gone and i had no one - so hurt inside my whole system was hurt. i went to this t because my pdoc wanted her to be my t.
sorry for rambling - just so anxious and nervous right now.
can any one relate?