Oh.. @MuddyBoots, your words, your intense suffering, with such a lack of real support breaks my heart, and I can relate to so much of what you shared.

I am so sorry you are just left on your own to attempt to cope with all the things that plague you.

You are eloquent.
You describe your pain so vividly and with such honesty I can tell you that I relate, and yet will not pretend fir a minute I know what it is like to be on your shoes...

I just felt compelled to reach back to you, let you know you have been HEARD....and at the very least, offer me hand to you...

So wish I could sir across from you over coffee, talk, cry, laugh? Or simply allow you some comfort, sitting in mutual and hopefully comforting silnce of shared understanding.

Forgive me if my words sound empty to you.

Or if i am overwhelming you with emoting too much...

This morning I am feeling very much alone in this, yes, very dangerous outer and inner world, and came across your post and wanted to attempt to give you a sincere caring word...

I remind you...you are of worth.

Please try and believe this...and I see how much of a fighter you are, in all that so unjustly afflicts you.