The woman I had a 'relationship' with online recently deleted her account on the messenger we used. The app tells you when someone's deleted their account, and it just updated to that this morning. This has caused a kind of mini-spiral, which I assume will be over by the time I get up tomorrow. For now, I'm just ruminating on it with a few people, and they all tell me she's the one with problems regarding emotional stability. I don't think I deserve to be happy, because I'm a terrible person. I'm lazy, stupid, and ugly, and I've always been. I can't look back on any period of happiness in my life, it's just been struggle and depression for as long as I can remember. There will never be any good part of my life, which means I'm just sort of trying to keep busy until the inevitable happens, whether it's 30-40 years in the future or sooner. I will try and adopt a new cockatiel soon.