Hey Okjay, hope you are okay. I think first of all it's important to say, try not to compare yourself to your peers. I know it's hard, but you clearly have been going through a lot and we are all on different paths. Remember that your struggles and your life is just as valid and important. Second of all, I think maybe reaching out to other autistic people might be helpful or other people who are in AA/linked to sobriety. These people are likely to be able to support and empathise with you best. Hope you find peace, Forest Child x