My mood has been so-so today. Feeling lonely. A couple of bipolar things on my mind today:

Between now and my next pdoc appointment, I am going to think about whether or not I want to stay on seroquel. I'm not taking it for sleep-I take it for my depression. But, it makes it extremely hard to get out of bed in the morning, especially since my POTs also makes it hard to get up. When I work, it's practically impossible to get out of bed when I need to. And, I'm not enjoying these very vivid dreams I've been getting that keep waking me up. I just have to decide what I want to deal with: these side effects or the depression that will probably come back if I stop taking it. Maybe, only taking it on the weekends is an option?

Outside of not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life, I think one of the reasons my life feels blah is because I spent so much time feeling euphoric/like I was on a special mission from God before I was diagnosed. After spending so much time with a bipolar buzz, and feeling so special, day to day life and not having anyone I'm really close with feels rather blah.