Scarlet, I wonder if you look for more from L because you believe she's capable of it. And she's shown that before. Where with your mom, you don't feel she is/was capable of it.

It makes me think of how Dr. T has commented that I don't say much about my dad, in terms of not getting emotional support from him, but I'll talk about missing that from my mom. And I've said I just don't know how much of that my dad is capable of, so it's like I let him off the hook. But I've seen how supportive my mom can be to her friends and some other family members, so I can tell she's capable of it. So I expect more.


And maybe you also trust that L won't abandon you (in general--I'm sure her pregnancies felt like abandonment), so it feels safe to let her know when you're upset with her. I'm not in any way comparing you to a child--but a known thing with kids is that they push back the most against those they feel safest with. Why a kid might be an angel at school but then act out at home if they feel their parents are "safe." Or vice versa, if they feel school is safe but their parents are not. Or with one parent, but not the other.