Hello, @Blueberrybook,

Good for you for resisting the urge to walk, especially in the heat and humidity.

It is something to be very proud of when you listen to and honor your body!

I wanted to gently ask you, ( And forgive me if I am overstepping and no pressure to answer) what do you think k is at the core of that fierce drive to push your body so hard?

Would you say there is a deeply ingrained, early learned trait of perfectionism within you?

I'm sorry if my thoughts are simplifying how you experience how your ED manifests, you ate a complex human being, with your own personal history, and we all certainly do not all fit into clichés that the professionals check off one by one-

I'm also sure that you have likely explored this, having g noticed how attuned you ate to your mind and body, I just worry about how hard you feel you need to push yourself...

I am sorry that I can't fully relate to your struggle with over exercise, ad I mentioned it was only something I engaged in briefly, to b*rn calories, until I seriously I seriously Injured my foot.
I also just simply ended up with zero energy to even manage a short walk around the block..

...Please, indeed do try to drink.enpugh water.
From personal ( and scary) experience I can tell you, as you know, how dangerous both restricting and water loading can be..

I'm sorry.
I hope I haven't pried.
I just sincerely care, and I appreciate your kindness and encouragement for me...

I am feeling lost without the ( sick) steadying, numbing of fully restricting.

I had breakfast this morning, well. Again. Not enough, not balanced.

I have another isdue-food insecurity.
I am on disability, and have as well admittedly been a little reckless with my cash already this month...

So, for the first time in a long time am gonna hafta use the foodbank.

Closest one to me open only once this week, plan on trying a church community dinner tomorrow...IF I even will ha e enough mo ry to get there as it is too far to walk, especially with my still painful sprained foot from that fall while I had been eating g ne y to nothing, a d my chronic sciatic pain...using my old trusty cane still..

My friend, whom still had me confused fir yet again being very cruel to loving g and nurturing brought me dinner last night, and I hate myself that I hear rolling g off.my tongue at him, the ancient and annoying," That's so much food!"

And yet, I dutifully ate it it all...yes, fearfully, with sickening guilt...but I also ENJOYED it...

But.. that scares me.

He complimented me on my " classy" dress, but I still am uncomfortable, outright truggerd by comments, especially " compliments " on my body...

But, I said thank you, while all at once looking down at my body, and how awful I felt it looked on me, and ashamed at myself while he and I were sitting there in the park, me eating, angry he was not eating WITH me, saud he ate before...
All these women passing bu, walking their dogs, jogging...can't help myself from comparing...

So...it's Sunday.

I am still not eating in a regimented nor truly inuitive way.

I have no food in the fridge, and no cash really...

Will have water with lemon, my supplements...calcium a d vitamin D should really never be skipped with my thinning bones..

Just...feels so foreign to honor my body.

And I just feel like restricting makes me feel....purified...

Ok...

I am sorry to go on and on again...

Thinking of you @ Blueberrybook and @MuddyBoots...as well as each and every o e of you...much much love and strength to you all.