@MuddyBoots,

Sounds like there is such an intense abd overwhelming internal battle within you...and I wholly empathise...

You seem to be being dismissed while even in crisis as I so often am ( as I am sure you often experience) due to my BPD dx...)

I admire you for working so hard turning to DBT and other self help.

Keep reaching out to us, forgive me for nkt having the perfect words to comfort you. But know that I am listening, and I care.

Hope today is being kind to you.