I'm contemplating calling my therapist and asking her if she has anything open today or early tomorrow, but I see her Friday and I don't even think she's in on Thursdays and doubt she has availability today so idk.

I feel like I'm in "quiet crisis" like I'm not impulsive in a loud-acting-out-aggressive way, but I feel like I'm just slowly slipping. I'm not really doing things to enjoy them, just to distract myself from bad thoughts. Everything I'm doing is either food-obsession related or a distraction from that obsession. I keep making meal plans and at first I tried weekly, but then went down to three days at a time, and now it's just "use the 5tbsp of hummus leftover in the next 4 days before it goes bad. 6 rice cakes left too that will probably be stale soon so should probably eat those in the next 3-5 days or so too." Then that morning I'll "plan" for that day, sometimes even the next, and like every 2 hours I'll think about it and change it. Then meal times half the time I don't even stick to what I planned an hour before.

I got rid of my ED-playlist but I'm still looking up and listening to a lot of songs that can kinda be interpreted in that way (like Masochist by Polaris or Entice Me by Colourblind are a few on repeat I feel relate to my ED because they're about being attracted to self-destruction even though neither discuss anything about body shape/image or food or anything like that). (Also listening to Coma White by Marilyn Manson way more than any healthy person would. I don't think a healthy person would listen to it at all really, though.)

Just procrastinating a lot for going back home and eating and putting away the hopefully dry by now towels (and seeing if my T has anything open today, which if I were to do I should do ASAP because I'm like a 5 minute walk away right now and if she had 10:30 open I could be there. I don't think I'm going to. I can wait until Friday.) I guess. It's going to be warm and drier out today, so I should be able to open the windows and have the fan on again if they're still not dry.

I did a cool thing though. I was planning on wearing long sleeves all summer because I really REALLY destroyed my arms in December and of course that shyt's still no where near faded, and I'm not always against short sleeves but sometimes I just don't feel like showing the world my purple striped arms, but then I heard about tattoo sleeves and looked some up and they're a good idea but most are boring and kinda expensive, so I got 4 pairs of crew/knee high socks from the Dollar tree and cut them. I have a pair that's just black, a pair that's tiger print, a pair that's coyote paws, and a pair with piano keys.