Hi Scarlet,

Thanks for asking.
I spoke to the administrator at the helpline today.

I presume they didn't have any bereavement advisors available at the time I called, because she just let me talk.

It's ridiculous that I miscalculated in terms of gathering support for the day that I thought would be hard, and then needing it more just days later.

I'm feeling quite anxious about the session, because there's a lot of pressure on it to be what I need...and I don't know what that is.

If it was an ordinary session, I could rely on getting another chance next week...but this time that's not the case.

I went to Steve's tree today, and that was helpful...although I'm still self conscious about expressing emotion in public.

That tends to mean that I don't.

Even when I don't need to hold it together, I am still holding it together.

I said to my support today - 'I feel emotionally exhausted', and yet I don't know how to rest.