Hey @Blue_Bird, I hope you got some good sleep last night. You know how in DBT they talk about vulnerabilities and lack of sleep (among so many other things) being one of those things that can make us more prone to these types of thoughts?

You're dealing with a lot right now. A lot of us need or have needed payees (or should have them) or even "do" but in a more unofficial light (like how some hand over their cards/money when they notice themselves getting more impulsive with money). A lot of us can't work. Bipolar/schizoaffective/PTSD/etc. are all legitimate reasons for being on disability which is why we're allowed to collect those benefits. It's hard to do these things.

You're doing the best you can with what you have. You've done an awesome job volunteering with the kitties, you know you're struggling and need a break, that is perfectly okay (and I'm pretty sure you said you even plan to go back once it cools off a bit too, so that's awesome!)

You have so much resilience, desire, and perseverance. I don't know if you see it right now, or really think about it that much, but I do and I know a lot of others on this board do too.