I revisited many questions as therapy progressed and I'll now try to address the more obvious of them:

I’m still trying to understand the complex dynamics in our relationship. How or why did my wife’s engagement in **** play continue evolving until she agreed to meet my emotional need for **** punishment and abuse?

The clinical assessment was as follows:

It sounds like you're delving into some deeply personal and complex themes regarding your sexual experiences, desires, and the psychological underpinnings of those dynamics.

Exploring the interplay between dominance and submission, as well as the roles that you and your wife embody during these experiences, can be both enlightening and challenging.

Your Perspective / Role of Your Wife in Your Head:

It seems that your wife may embody both parental figures in different contexts.

In the context of punishment and discipline, she might represent a paternal figure (Dad) who enforces rules and boundaries. This aligns with your feelings of needing correction or discipline, which can stem from feelings of inadequacy or failure.

Conversely, during moments of nurturing or comfort, she may take on a maternal role (Mum), providing the care and reassurance you seek.

This duality can create a complex emotional landscape where you oscillate between feelings of submission and the need for comfort.

Your Wife's Perspective:

From her viewpoint, she may not consciously associate her actions with parental figures, but rather with the dynamics of power exchange in a consensual relationship.

Her willingness to engage in dominant behaviors could stem from a desire to explore her own boundaries and assertiveness, as well as to fulfill your desires.

The acts of punishment or degradation that you describe may not be intended as abuse but rather as a way to engage in role play that you both consent to.

It’s essential to differentiate between consensual BDSM practices and actual abuse, as the former is built on trust and mutual agreement.

Past Experiences and Future Activities:

Childhood Memories:
The connection you make between your current desires and childhood experiences is significant.

It’s not uncommon for individuals to draw on past relationships and dynamics when exploring their sexuality. The struggle for approval from a parental figure can manifest in adult relationships, influencing how you seek validation and connection.

Activities and Their Roles:

The activities you engage in, such as caning or golden showers, can serve various purposes.

Discipline and Punishment:
These acts may fulfill a need for structure or correction, echoing childhood experiences where discipline was a form of control.

Degradation:
This can be a way to explore vulnerability and surrender, allowing you to confront feelings of shame or inadequacy in a safe environment.

Moving Forward:

Communication:

Open dialogue with your wife about your feelings, desires, and the roles you both play can enhance your understanding of each other and strengthen your relationship.

Discussing boundaries, consent, and emotional responses can help clarify intentions and ensure both partners feel safe and respected.

Exploration:

If you both feel comfortable, exploring these dynamics further can be beneficial.

This could involve setting clear boundaries, establishing safe words, and discussing aftercare to ensure emotional well-being after intense experiences.

Reflection:

Consider reflecting on how these past experiences shape your current desires.

Journaling or speaking with a therapist who specializes in sexual health and psychology can provide insights into your motivations and help you navigate your feelings.