Interesting point of view. Why are you leaving it up to "them" to say if you have improved? You even left it up to us to correct your spelling. That seems kinda sneaky! My longterm therapist always asked me, what's your payoff, what do you gain from this behavior?

I definitely did not want to "take responsibility." I remember telling college friends that i wanted my parents to choose a husband for me, because then, if it didnt work out, they couldnt blame me! It wouldnt be my fault! But that presupposes a failed outcome.

You can find an outcome you desire and take responsibility for attaining it. Fall six times, get up seven.