When my son was four he was also out of control. There were temper tantrums every single night at bedtime and I was afraid of my anger when he misbehaved. His behavior was awful but I did not want to spank him, especially out of anger. I went to a child psychologist who spent some time with him and a lot of time with me and my husband teaching us how to parent a difficult child. I guess we sought this help for about a year.

It turned out my son has ADHD. We wound up using a system of positive behavior rewards system to get through the rough patches. He has never been an easy kid, but now he is 22 and a wonderful, talented, competent young man

Please seek help outside the family. It is so hard to manage these things without support, because as mothers we only want what's best and we put such pressure on ourselves. When we have not been parented ourselves in a kind and respectful way, it's so hard to find a way to parent our children.

Best of luck.

Peace