I don’t get the point of this living thing. Is it supposed to be one of those challenges you do just to prove you can do it, like a single day Pemi loop (it’s a 30-35 mile hike with 9,000-14,000ft of elevation gain depending on start point, whether you skip certain peaks or do the extension, etc. that sane people do in 2-3 days and people like how I was 10 years ago would do in a day just because why hike 6 mountains when you’re sore from hiking 6 the day before when you can just do all twelve in one go and get to carry a lighter pack?) Because I don’t think people that do the whole Pemi in a day actually have a chance to enjoy it, they just do it to do it and get bragging rights or they’re limited on time or hate themselves or something. I get my bragging rights by not trying to die tonight/any other night I haven’t tried dying. A double dose of valium to go to bed instead of leaving the building without intent on returning is my single-day Pemi.
Maybe that’s how I’ll cure my chronic SI: “ I don’t deserve the luxury of not living.” That’s how I stopped ever adding anything to my tea or coffee.
__________________
"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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