I'm getting better as far as the pneumonia is concerned, but I had started seeing this new therapist this past month. She was good, but I can not afford her. She had also said she thinks I should be in a hospital or in some sort of program. She wasn't comfortable with having me leave her office the past few times. I also see the psych doctor in that same office, which I saw yesterday. They must have spoken and I can not afford to see the therapist, so I'm not having any therapy now for a few weeks. She obviously had a conversation with my therapist because she kept saying " I can't let you leave like this" and sorta wanting me to think about going into the hospital. She then went onto question me where are my parents? where are your sisters or friends? Don't you have any supports? Well I don't really talk to people...so no. She just sorta stared at me and kept saying she didn't feel comfortable with me like "this". Then said "well will you promise to call before you would do something?" I just looked at her. I couldn't even answer her. First time she said it I laughed at her, but an odd laugh. It all made me feel very uncomfortable and extremely sadder. She brought up the fact how i said "i don't want to be here" cuz I don't. I don't see how ANYTHING is going to make me feel better. It's an awful feeling. I don't know what to do. I did say to her in the beginning of the appt. I can at least go to appts. If you tell me where to go at this point I can at least get myself there, but she didn't offer any help in that area. I said I don't have the energy to find a place for help. I don't. So now I'm just sinking more and more. Nobody to talk to and it only gets worse. I only want to sleep. I don't want to be awake and aware. It sux. I don't really know what to do. I'm embarrassed on top of it sorta when it comes to any of my family members or friends knowing I'm like this again. I try to hide it. It's not so hard though because I can go through long periods of time without speaking to anyone. I don't know how to get out of "this". Sorry I'm rambling it's just I don't know where to go with any of this *shrugs*.