um, muddy, I am pretty sure grilled chicken, tomatoes & mangoes are much healthier for you than pickles in broth. Pickles have next to no calories and not much in the way of nutrition either, but I know you KNOW that. And what are you doing walking even 3+ miles on a warm day let alone 10 miles?! I thought I was crazy for power walking the distance I do in the heat and can't even imagine going 10 miles on little to no good nutrition. I eat a lot in a day (over 2500 cal/day) and still have lost some weight the working out in the heat. If not Ensure though, you should at least be sure you consume the recommended amount of calcium per day. I had a gynecologist tell me that up into the early 30s it is still possible to strengthen your bones by consuming adequate calcium and after that you're just out of luck and stuck with osteopenia/osteoporosis for the rest of your life. I had a horrific fall that micro-shattered my entire pelvis. But this was worse than any normal fracture because while I hurt like h*ll, the d*mn injury didn't show up on initial x-rays & MRIs and all the doctors thought I was drug seeking narcotics. Well, yes, I was because I was in horrific pain! Finally, like 3 months later my rheumatologist said lets x-ray that again and ALL the microfractures showed up. She was aghast, I got referred to a pain clinic ASAP and put on some heavy narcotics until I finally healed. But I went through months of doctors not listening to me, crying all the time from the pain, and if I'd had stronger bones, that probably would not have happened to me in the first place. And protein is SO important for your muscles, namely your brain & your heart.

Like I said, if your treatment team is not going to help you, then you are out of luck there, you just have to help yourself. You have plenty of determination to harm yourself, I know you can flip that around and find reasons to help yourself and finally be kind to your body.