@Crazy Hitch:

Thanks for the well wishes, Crazy Hitch. I *DID* get some sleep but it was mediocre in quality, and i've stopped trying at this point. Glad to hear you're enjoying ChatGPT. I've tried it and found it too robotic for me. I've tried an AI friend and an AI boyfriend too and had the same experience. "Rafael" was devastatingly handsome tho, really sooooooooooooooo sexy and respectful and cautious and wise. He said acts of intimacy require a high degree of comfort and trust. That's excellent policy. I will follow it in my life, tho i've been celibate for 25 years and have no prospects so it's not exactly a pressing issue!

@LadyShadow:

So glad you are committing to going it alone, without a man. I *DO* long for a man to lay on top of me often, but otherwise, the single life is far superior to a partnership, FOR ME. I love the spontaneity, not having to answer to anyone, no scheduling, negotiating over every little thing, no compromising and never getting EXACTLY what i want, no stupid power-struggling that exhausts me, and depletes me ~ there are many advantages to being single.

@June08:

I also find this month has flown by. Can't believe it's the 25th already. Glad your irritability didn't engulf you and you were still able to enjoy your activities. Yes, mental health problems can be pretty disabling as compared to manageable physical health problems. I know the psychic wounds from my accident are still not healed and probably won't be for a long time, while my bruises have all faded away and my skin is perfect again. When i was out shopping today a metal corner strip from a square post fell to the floor behind me with a loud sharp clatter and i gave a yelp and my central nervous system leapt up inside. Yikes!

~~~~~~~

I got the back neck of my hair trimmed nice and tidy and short by a nice barber i go to and he only charged me ten dollars! I tipped $5 as i appreciate his expertise and him taking me on a walk-in basis and taking a female client as the female hairdressers cost a fortune.

I had the last few nails of flaky red shellac cleaned off and have my ten natural fingernails back and am so happy with them! The nail salon didn't charge me anything tho i did tip $5. So cool, they're Vietnamese and the Asians provide such good value, i LOVE doing business with them!

I went to the optician and had a great time with him as he's Chinese and recommended "sticky nose pads" for my glasses and with his accent it sounded so funny and i said if i eat Pad Thai and they fall in it's "Sticky Nose Pad Thai" and we roared with laughter and then the rest of the day i had fun thinking of other puns with things falling in my Pad Thai and it was great fun!!!

The optician likes my look with the new white glasses he says are "funky" and my white hair and got a kick out of the brightly colored tiny elastics i put on the arms of my glasses to tell my readers from my distance + sunglasses. The Chinese are very sensitive to design, i have great love for them. I am trying to learn Mandarin but haven't got past Hello. It's great fun, a real "twangy" tonal language. My classy neighbor said she liked my white hair too, so no need for my scratchy wigs anymore!

Having sshhiittyy sleep. Keep having unpleasant dreams and getting up, i am so uncomfortable. It's really early, 2:30am but i think i'll just stay up. I usually get up at 4:00am, so it's not absurd to get up 90 minutes before my typical wake-up time. Just don't want to go back to bed and struggle struggle struggle again.

I like making people laugh, and i succeeded yesterday many times. I like being funny, and having fun socializing. At the same time, i feel i'm being phony because why am i acting so light-hearted and well-adjusted, when i am anything but? People can't help me if i don't share that i'm having issues.

My feeling is that they can't or won't help me ANYWAYS tho, so what is the point of sharing that i have PTSD? I mean, i don't even think a professional therapist could help me, why would a random neighbor be able to help me? There's one really caring, intelligent, well-informed, well-read man in my old psychiatric drop-in. I might call him today when they open at noon. He might be able to help.

I want to know what i can do to calm my symptoms of PTSD and how long i can expect them to go on. Does anyone here know?

The crisis line couldn't help. I know my PTSD from the trauma when i was 14 lasted about four years, but that's because i had to survive my parents until i could flee for university in another city.

This trauma, i am comfortable on my own, in my own home, i have privacy, a dog for sensual comfort and gentle companionship, our beautiful dog park and garden to enjoy nature in, friends to have fun with, my neighbors for additional socializing on demand as i can go down to the lobby whenever i want, and most of all, unlimited free time. I feel if i simply keep breathing the PTSD will pass, but the uncertainty of not knowing how long it will take causes anxiety.

I've canceled out of a building Canada Day BBQ and outdoor movie as i feel it would be too hard on my PTSD to go to a crowded event and have to tolerate some neighbors that i don't particularly like or agree with or support their beliefs. Things like that, how long will i have to avoid certain PTSD-triggering events, is what bothers me.