Thanks for the support @Blueberrybook and @LadyShadow. I must say i am laughing out loud at LadyShadow's very adroit phrase "verbal emotional vomit" because that is what i came here to write about today.

Someone has been "verbally emotionally vomiting" ON ME... And i've been letting them! What is wrong with me? I am trying to recover from my own posttraumatic shock ~ why am i letting this woman drown me in her problems? Whine about money, her sick dog, cry in front of me in the lobby, tell me about her sexually abusive brother when she was growing up, etc., etc., etc.

I know she's got heavy emotion dysregulation disorder but she's also defiant about help. It's been three times in two weeks now that she's laid into me about all her problems, and shed tears while in the lobby, which is so inappropriate. You know, why am i letting this emotional vacuum suck up all my resources at a time when i'm in a precarious state myself?

I keep being armchair therapist for her and she just goes on and on until i finally "dismiss" her and send her away when i can't take it anymore. She has no boundaries and no filter and is just a mess. Her life is chaos and she seems to cling to her helplessness, until today i just got sick of her. I'm willing to help people who are willing to help themselves, but she seems determined to stay stuck in her drama and suffering, like a professional victim.

She's moving in a few days, so hopefully she will be gone before i see her again and i can be rid of her without seriously offending her. But if i do see her and she starts in again with her endless tales of woe, i will try to just say gently that i have my own issues and feel that i'm not equal to the support she requires.

In good news, i *DID* see a guy who i wronged earlier this year after a romantic fiasco. I made amends three weeks ago and he was really cool about it for which i am soooooooooooo very grateful, because i was really nasty to him. He *DID* mislead me, but didn't deserve the pain i caused him.

I spoke to him about nine days ago and he was headed to detox! I felt so bad for annoying him while he was in the throes of alcoholism. I supported him before he went to detox and called while he was in to offer my help. I saw him this morning and he thanked me for all my support, it was really gracious of him. I'm glad i made the effort. He was on his way to an AA meeting.

I'm sorry that he didn't go straight to rehab, because alcohol is on sale next door, and he has not had time to develop the good healthy habits that will be necessary to keep sober. Hopefully he will get some substantial help at AA and this will see him thru until he can get into rehab. It's not much use suffering thru a grueling seven-day detox if one doesn't have decent support after.

I can't really do much for him because i don't know what recovery from the alcoholic lifestyle requires. I can't even be much in the way of a supportive friend because it would be confusing being that we were romantically entangled at one point and because i have my own sshhiitt to deal with.

I'll just say a kind word to him when i see him. I told him when i made amends that i've accepted that social relationships with men are currently beyond me, so i don't think he will resent if i keep a careful distance. He'll know it's best for the both of us.

Sshhiittyy sleep last night and feeling anxiety and dread today for no reason, just sleep deprivation. Like BlueBerryBook says, PTSD is something one must live with. I can't read or watch much, but i can listen a little, socialize some, and i enjoy my dog. We had a fire alarm today and i handled it with efficiency, so that's a very good sign. I chatted with some kids outside and felt so much better for feeling their unconditional love when they invited me to come over to their home sometime.

I'm pretty sure i'm going to have to be accepting a lot of sub-parr days in the near future, and messy behavior. I've made some progress, so i have signs that i will eventually be more stable and comfortable, but for the moment, the standard will be for mediocre days and mediocre nights.