So I wake up on the floor next to a bag of bloody vomit from purging after my mom practically shoving food down my throat because "I look like a holocaust victim" despite me already "performance eating" in front of other residences in a group today and in that already tripling the amount I eat in a day in half an hour (and purging that), so I get up and start playing with my abundance of loose skin on my stomach and start cutting it up. Nothing deep that bleeds a lot, just a lot with a lot of hatred and rage. Then I call the emergency line and leave a message saying "I think talking to someone in person tomorrow isn't a horrible idea after all." Wait a while, no call back, it's like 3am so I walk (by where all the homeless druggies hang out) to the 24 hr drug store and pick up some laxative and some "metabolism boost" drink (probably BS but it has a decent amount of caffeine and it's strawberry so I'll take it), get back, take it, and here I sit, getting ready to shyt.

9 days ago my pdoc said if I lost anymore weight she'd hospitalize me even if that meant filing an IEA, and I got weighed during med management and have lost almost a pound since. This was after being up all night drinking water, I left that bit out, but I included the part where I walked 5 miles that morning because I didn't sleep. Oh yeah, other than the two hours I was passed out on the floor until I had a muscle spasm get my eyes open, I didn't sleep really tonight either. Any other night I'm averaging like 2-3 hours. Except for when I took 50mg of diazepam last Friday night fed up with lack of sleep and the severe agitation I had at the time, I slept like 8 then, but was really tired and dragging all day and into Sunday.