Socialized with "H" and "M" today. H is from Eritrea and got excited showing me videos of the capital, Amsara, and explaining how beautiful it is. You could hear the longing in her voice. I said it must be hard to be so far from home. I think she got emotional because she took a privacy break. Sad. The government there is very unfriendly to visitors so she can't go back to visit as it's too risky, they throw you in jail on a pretext. She's really in a bind. But here she has community activities several times a year, tho i'm sure it's not the same as being home and having everything familiar on a daily basis. Poor H.

It probably didn't help that M and i carried on chatting like nothing was wrong. I worry that it was stressful for H. She's got such heavy work and family responsibilities, the last thing she needs is to also be pining for home. I hope she is alright. I'll check on her tomorrow. She might just have been tired. Her family is not very helpful.

I chatted with "R" this morning, the man who i had the romantic fiasco with earlier this year who is fresh out of detox and he's doing well. It turns out that the junior superintendent who he is friendly with cared for his beloved cat while R was away and even cleaned his bathroom for him! Wow! I am impressed! What a good man our junior superintendent is! Such a joy to have come home to a clean bathroom and a healthy cat!

R asked me what i was doing today, showing that he's not totally absorbed in his own travails, and i shared that i am relaxing due to post-traumatic stress from an accident on the 2nd. He was supportive and wished me a speedy recovery and did not ask any prying questions. It was a good experience for us, tho i am a bit concerned about how i noted that his new white beard is very handsome on him with his iron hair and olive skin. I didn't say anything to him about it, i just noted it to myself. But it's not gonna help me keep a careful distance between us if i am noting how good-looking he is. Well, one can't help looking at someone one is talking to. Shunning him is no solution. I'll just have to keep it in my pants!!!

Still having messy days emotionally, with elation in the early morning and exhaustion later in the day with some anxiety and dread for no reason at all. PTSD i guess. I've canceled out of a weekend social event as it would be too stressful and late in the day. I am sorry to miss it but group events are off-limits for a while until i am more stable in my recovery.

I wrote for an hour today in my journal (on computer) and enjoyed it. I've been writing for most of my life, for school, the school newspaper, essays in university, not too much in my twenties when i had a career as a computer programmer, but then every day since in my journal and on support sites. I now have 17,000 pages-worth of a journal-on-computer, to be shared on a website after my death along with a work of spoken-word art. My legacy, tho my journal tends to be about whether i had diarrhea that day or not, hahaha!!! Not sure ANYONE is going to want to read about THAT!!!!!