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"I have lived "chasing" things that would be the "next best thing" or the "third best thing" but it´s only tiring. Doing things on my own just to feel lonely when walking in the woods or spending time at a beach, looking at the clouds in the sky. "

************Why are you " chasing " things ? Maybe I misunderstand what you're saying here. I love walking in the woods by myself, spending time at the beach clouds in the sky. These are all beautiful things . I don't know what your really chasing but in the meantime your missing out on some beautiful moments in your life, ( just my personal perspective )

"If you don´t have such a foundation and you don´t have the strength yourself to build things from scratch and noone to help you, then you won´t have anything. "

**************I agree having a good foundation is very important, BUT , there are many other variables that play into how you build or develop your life. It's not too late. If you realty want to you can follow a different path. Stop " chasing things " and learn about YOURSELF first. There are ways to change how you feel and what direction you're life can go , don't chase , just explore , do research into things that may help you.

I´m 40+ and I expect to live like this for the rest of my life. Also, I´ve already been a patient within psychiatry and gotten evaluated and I don´t have any psychiatric conditions. It´s just a bad life I can´t do anything about, nothing that would make any real difference.