Think Progress not Perfection.
I can relate to being a chaos junkie and self sabotaging when things start to go well. That was me for a long time. Thing is, we can unlearn that pattern.
Something that helped me accept my past and learn to like myself was compassion focused therapy. If you google self-compassion on Amazon there are some good books on the subject. I recommend The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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