Please think about couples therapy. Your partner needs to learn that saying hurtful things is not okay, even in arguments. Some people that's just how they argue. Which is not okay. You should have a therapist so you have a safe place to build a safer environment for yourself. You need to have safety plans and plans if they are not okay. You need to set boundaries like walking away when they say something mean.When I get loud my husband stops and asks why I am yelling, if I continue he will lower his voice until it's almost a whisper so I have to quiet down. I'm not saying it's easy but you do need boundaries and ways to enforce those boundaries.