He called. He said for me not to come today as he had filled that slot with someone else. He apologized. He wanted to schedule another appointment but had nothing available today (he works into the night so I thought it might be possible). The soonest is next week. I put down the phone and went to get my calendar and tried to gather myself a bit. I was feeling so disappointed. We set a time for next week and he asked me how my legal meeting had gone. I said, "OK. We can talk about it next week." I could not talk about anything substantive on the phone. I hate the phone, for one, and could give no more than a superficial response when I know he is calling me in his typical 2 minutes between clients. Plus, I felt myself starting to fall apart a bit and start crying and I felt so embarrassed by that and didn't want him to know I was crying just because of a missed appointment. I didn't want him to hear any quaver in my voice. I tried to respond brightly. So we hung up, and I cried some more. I feel so dumb about this affecting me so. I had been looking forward to this day for over 2 weeks. You know how you anticipate your sessions? Well, that's how it was and then only an hour before, to be told the session is not happening is such a letdown. I am embarrassed to be so let down. To be crying.

It doesn't feel good right now to need someone so very, very much.