I can't tell if my next door neighbor is drunk and just rambled about me for 40 minutes or I hallucinated all of that, but either way I wish I didn't hear it. I knew I've been really dissociated the past few weeks (months????) but holy fking **** either my hallucinated version of her lied a lot (or she knows shyt somehow I "know" but can't bring the memories of up) or if she was actually speaking and telling the truth, I have been wayyyy far gone than I even know. I wish I didn't have to skip last Friday's therapy appointment and this one's because it's a holiday (celebrated, kinda like Christmas, in ways I find a little fked up, but whatever, there's a pretty good fking chance, like Christmas, I'll be in the hospital again anyways).

I do know I didn't hallucinate her crashing a bunch of stuff, so it is pretty feasible she's just talking about how all her next door neighbors are, uhhh, worrisome, I guess is a word? But some stuff I don't get how she would know unless she was literally spying on me like with cameras or something. (Or I don't remember talking about it with someone while she heard me like I was hearing her. I guess that's possible.)


I have been having what I for sure know to be by now actual hallucinations, but not ones that are the same two actual people speaking for nearly an hour, more like I saw a cop car driving then looked back to see which way he was going to turn at the intersection and there were no cars to be found and hear radios at like, the mental health clinic's bathroom or the library.