No one says ED treatment is the only solution to helping your ED. In fact, if you are not ready to recover, all the progress you make in treatment, you start undoing the moment you leave treatment, and I don't know muddy but you are stubborn enough that I think if you just up and decided you were going to see yourself through recovery, you can do just that. It's not common to recover from an ED without ED treatment, but on the other hand, I mostly did except a few minor blips. I don't know that my recovery would have stuck nearly as well if I hadn't done it on my own, so there is that in its favor as well as taking it at a do-able pace. The main things, the things you need to do to recover as far as eating, exercising, not calorie counting, filling your time with positive hobbies, not letting you "distract" yourself from eating. If you really do distract yourself, if my case, my "disctractions" were not really distractions so much as adhering to the ED. Start with baby steps and work up and work very hard to limit/complete reduce purging (even exercise as much as doable). Pay a bit more if it means going to a store that doesn't have you walking 4 miles to get there.

Use your brain; you obviously have a good one or you wouldn't be able to solve such complicated mathematics. And you've got plenty of stubbornness to boot. It took me a TON of willpower (especially in the beginning), a lot of CBT (redirecting hours of daily exercise into hobbies such as putting together jigsaw puzzles), stopping counting calories, stopping labelling foods as good or bad and if I'd over eaten not giving in to doing more exercise or using laxatives (given I couldn't vomit many foods easily though some are much each than others as I'm sure you know and it may be best not to buy things of that nature if you can avoid it).

Really, I'd like to see you have a life again muddy, I mean a real life, not a life juggling between hospitals and living at the mercy of an ED. You deserve that and there is life ahead of you if you get past this point. The recovery process sucks, gaining weight feels really sucky, not gonna lie to you but things did even out for me though all told it took about a year total to be able to get my old metabolism back once I had gotten to a low but healthy BMI.