I cannot because I have convinced myself if I don’t put pants on to throw out two apples I didn’t think about before buying (the threat of being away from here for two weeks without knowing I’m not coming back but knowing of the possibility any time I leave has kept me from a legitimate grocery store trip where I bring my bags and take the bus and buy more than what I can walk home and spend $40 vs $75 by taking the bus to the further cheaper place because I don’t want to purchase food that is just going to fester and rot, and maybe THIS time is when they get a judge to turn a two week stay into the rest of my life so maybe I should just be prepared to unexpectedly “move” indefinitely to the state hospital) right now I’m going to be homeless again.

I don’t even know if I wrote that in a way anyone has a chance of comprehending. I don’t even know when I got the fking apples and I don’t know if I gained 5, lost 5 or stayed the same and NONE of those answers can surprise me tomorrow because I have so fking little clue as to what I’m doing most moments I can’t guess at the past couple days let alone a full week of a lot of stress and not a lot of memory.