I had deleted the sessions and messages from my phone and laptop. Given that it had been over a year since I last spoke to F.

I found an old WhatApp message I had taken a screenshot of and it made me cry reading it as I didn't remember sending it. I held a lot of guilt because we never fixed our rupture. I did feel like I wanted to book a session with him, one of the reasons I didn't was first the expense, but also the fact that I felt self conscious about my size even though I was the same as when he first met me.

Well I was slightly messed up, but I was proud of how I still showed up .

"Having had a bit more time to think now that I'm not just purely reacting. Things might not have ended the way I expected them to, but I did still want to say thank you for trying to help me. In particular that extra 15 min phone call always stood out for me and it meant more than I could say. I'm sorry I couldn't make this work and for the extra stuff I threw at you when I was angry. If I'm being honest I wish you no ill will either. Even though it doesn't change anything. I did and I do love you. I don't need a response back. I just didn't want to leave anything unsaid. Best wishes. S"