I had the exorcists in. That's what i call The Mental Health Crisis Team. J was who i talked to on the phone. She was very good in-person. She remembered the facts without notes and asked questions to explore and clarify. Their involvement will only be about five days tho.

They will talk to my doctor to update him. They wanted me to try new meds but i am not interested. They want me to try therapy, reasoning that i am not the same shattered person i was twenty years ago when i had those three disasters in therapy.

J said i have good insight and that i've done good introspection and self-directed research on my own. The thing is: if i've brought myself this far, who says i can't just stay the course and bring myself the whole way? If i'm on a good course, why involve a therapist, who is an unknown quantity and who i might just end up feeling emotionally manipulated by?

It would be very risky for me to go back into therapy, and i just don't have room for error. It's up to me, and with no guarantees, and everything to lose, i doubt i'll do it.

It was nice to have J's time and attention. It's comforting to know someone out there knows my story. She's going to call me tomorrow. She'll be available from 9:00am to 9:00pm this weekend by phone. If she can sort things out with my ddiippsshhiitt doctor, that will be helpful.

It was a good experience and i'm glad i finally had them in.