Today I finally listened to my body (which has been tired from jogging & power walking in the heat consecutive days for the past week) and slowed down with exercise doing a beginner pilates video on YouTube. It definitely burns fewer calories than walking & jogging though this video had its own challenges with planks & squats. The great thing about the pilates video series I do (free on YouTube) is that the instructor always ends each video with a stretching segment, which feels absolutely wonderful. I know I need to do more stretching; it is great for the body and feels so good but somehow I never make the time for it except when I do these pilates videos.

Though I do feel guilty for not exercising hard today while still eating normally, my body image hasn't been bad lately and I haven't been overly focused on the number on the scale which really hasn't been moving other than minor fluctuations, up a pound one day, down a pound the next, same the following day, then up, down, etc.

At this point in my life I feel this is about as good as it will get with ED recovery- a normal if on the low side BMI, fluctuating body image, eating normally, periods of time when I overexercise, others when I don't but always I feel guilty on days I don't exercise. ED thoughts off & on, some days worse than others, but thoughts I rarely act on other than perhaps compulsive exercise (though definitely not nearly as bad as when my ED was in full swing with the purging type anorexia (purging through severe overexercise), no bingeing with the purging but way undereating for that amount of exercise on purpose. At least I don't restrict these days or count calories or label foods "good" and "bad". I mostly eat what are considered healthy foods, I suppose a Meditterean type diet on the whole but not always, sometimes I treat myself and that's okay.

It would be fantastic if I could leave the all of the ED behind permanently, but at this point I doubt it.