Feeling restless. It's 8:00pm on a Monday night. I socialized lots today. I spent time outside. I snuggled with my dog. I checked-in with the exorcists. They are looking into free therapy with a social worker for me. I went to the mall. I had breakfast there and bought good-quality sandals for my aching feet. I don't know what is wrong. Just feel empty and depleted.

My dog's nail trim tomorrow at 10:30am. That should be fun. We'll be taking the bus. It's fun to take her on the bus and have her with me. Maybe we'll go out for breakfast before? I take my meds in 90 minutes. Wish i could just check-out now. It'll be dark soon tho and then it's easier to tolerate being at home.

Slept well, eight hours. Three out of the last four nights i slept well. My instability is fading. Grateful, but miss the fun. Hard to face the reality of my loneliness. Had a text fight with E's twin brother A last night. So angry that i asked to be put in touch with E for education and spiritual guidance and they assumed it was to get laid. Guys always think any interest from me is sexual. E isn't even hung. Why would i want THAT?

My home is messy with garbage overflowing yet again. I get so frustrated with the constant maintenance it requires. I just get it cleaned up and then it is time to clean up again.

My heart dropped with a thud when i went into my browser's list of favorite sites. I saw all the things i had tried to improve my life, all futile. I feel so sorry for myself, that i try so hard, and fail. Why do i keep going on? If there was a button to press, i would press it.