Today was a good session. We talked about how my pain was valid. I told her that “I held her responsible for my pain” (not now, but before). I asked her if she felt hurt by me and if she needed any apologies. She said she’s thinking about it, but right now doesn’t have an answer. I told her I don’t want to hurt her again. She said she can guarantee that we will hurt each other again. She also can guarantee that we have the foundation to get through it and we will be okay. We did my self-care plan and did a connecting question: what’s an experience you’ve had at an amusement park.

One more week of video and then in-person and twice a week on the 21st. I’m still excited and nervous. I told her the break helped lessen the intensity which I think helped me get more clarity on our situation. And that I’m afraid of the intensity and hurting her again. That’s when she told me we will hurt again, just in different contexts.

I’ve also been struggling with my depression really badly. When H is with me and I’m being distracted, I can focus on whatever we’re doing. But when I’m alone and get bored, I’m stuck in the depression and stay in bed sleeping until I can be with H again. L says we’ll get me back to flourishing even if it’s not tomorrow.